


Oh Shit Done Fucked Up Now Boi

by Kanra_chan



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Draaaamaaaaaa, Established Relationship, F/M, For Greeneyedceil, M/M, Magic, Magical items used for eeeevvvvviiilll, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 04:11:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11889738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanra_chan/pseuds/Kanra_chan
Summary: After Shizuo ruins Shinra and Celty's date, Shinra decides to get revenge! And he has the perfect item to help...





	Oh Shit Done Fucked Up Now Boi

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  So this idea came from an old anime I watched when I was a kid. The anime is Ranma 1/2, and in some episode one of the many girls that loves the main boy gets ahold of some pendant that, when worn a certain way, makes her hate the one she loves. You flip it, and then she's normal. It had the :): symbol on it and, if you don't know, is the bipolar symbol with the two faces XD I changed some things around though
> 
> Anyway, I was thinking about this and I added some extra details about the pendant and thought this would be a perfect thing for Shinra to have~ I ACTUALLY DREW IT BUT COULDN'T ADD THE IMAGE AAHHHH

"But Ceeeeltyyy!" Shinra whines, voice pitched dramatically high. She ignores him, hopping on Shooter and motioning for Shizuo to do the same. The horse turned motorcycle makes a noise close to a neigh, and Celty creates a hemelt for the blonde.

[I know it's our date but this is important!] She whacks the back of his head with a shadow.

"More important that me!?" He wails, latching his arms around her. Predictably, he's punched for his efforts.

[Yes!] Is her cold reply, and then they're off down the street and out of sight. They're saving Shizuo's brother from something, and he thinks they mentioned Nazi's, or zombies, or something but he really wasn't listening. All he cared about what that his precious date with Celty was ruined. What's worse, she's upset enough by his childish behavior that she refuses to schedule another date with him. It's been three days and she still won't talk to him.

So of course he has to get revenge. And he has the perfect idea too. Which is why he's invited Izaya over while Celty is out on an all day job. He's also just texted Shizuo, calling him over to "apologize" for being insensitive about his brothers situation. He's glad Kasuka isn't hurt, of course, but couldn't Shizuo have waited a few hours and let them have their lovey-dovey date?!

 _'Well, we'll see how he likes it when his lover is mad at him!'_  Heh, lover. It's still strange to think about, how Shizuo and Izaya have been dating for about five months now, deciding to try it back in March that year. Now in August they're still going strong, and he hasn't seen either of his friends so happy in a long time. Opposites really do attract, and they have a surprisingly stable relationship. ' _If Shizuo just let me be with my Celty then maybe wouldn't have to ruin that!'_

"What is this...?" Izaya asks, examining the pendant Shinra's handed him. It's green, dark at the edges and gradually fading to a light bluish hue in the center. It has thin rings inside such a dark red they look almost black. Above all this is a curved line in the center with two circles on either side. The circles and line are a lighter rust color, perfectly matching the color of his eyes. If you focus on one set of circles it looks like it's either smiling (left) or frowning. (right) The back is the normal metal needle pin but it was an attached metal piece that looks like it allows the pin to rotate.

"Just an old something I had that I thought you might like!" Shinra chirps. "Here, let me show you which way to wear it!"

"I'm not a child," Izaya sighs, but lets his friend position the little pin on his jacket anyway. "Nor am I bipolar." He adds. Shinra's pinned it so the face is frowning, and briefly Izaya feels an odd rush over his body. He dismisses it as a chill, tugs his jacket a little snugger over himself when Shinra pulls back. 

"There. Hey, it looks good!" Shinra smiles brightly at his friend, moving to stand up from where he'd been kneeling to place the pin. Izaya feels his chest fill with warmth, cheeks threatening to go pink from sudden affection. 

"Really?" Izaya asks, serious. He stares at Shinra, wondering how he never noticed what a glorious color Shinra's eyes were. Or how sweet and charming the doctor was, giving Izaya such a sweet gift...  _'What a human.'_  He thinks, swooning a little. 

"Hmm? Yeah, sure, brings out your eyes!" He says. Izaya's heart is starting to pound, and he turns his head away quickly. His cheeks warm and pink. _'Does that mean he likes my eyes? No who cares, it's just Shinra! But... maybe this is a sign.'_ He wants to say something witty and mean, bring the ball back to his court, but right now all he can really think about is how charming Shinra's smile is.

Shina tilts his head at his strange behavior, but he just chalks it up to Izaya simply being unused to receiving any compliments or gifts from anyone but Shizuo. He assumes he's being weird because he doesn't quite know how to react, or maybe just annoyed.

Meanwhile Izaya is thinking about the overwhelming rush of emotions he's experiencing because of his doctor friend. _'Where did this even come from? I haven't thought about Shinra like that since highschool!'_  But Izaya feels tingly all over, mind foggy with sudden affection for his friend and doctor. His face is hot and his stomach is filled with butterflies.

It's like talking to a crush for the first time, emotionally overwhelming. Most people might run, he thinks, or be too embarrassed to do much. But he's always been the type of man to go after what he wants. And he wants Shinra. Terribly so.

Shinra just smiles at him. "I'll make us some coffee. Black as usual, right?" Izaya nods, not trusting himself to speak. _'It is a sign! He noticed my eyes, he knows my coffee preference, and he gave me a gift instead of giving it to Celty! We're meant to be.'_  He makes up his mind then, plan already forming.

Shinra, in the kitchen now, is excited as well but for a very different reason. Shizuo would be here any moment and he'd be able to see if the pin works. He'd of course tried it on Celty when she wasn't looking, smile up, but it had no effect. 'Maybe only on humans?'

The pin worked via two positions. When it was frowning it reversed any strong feelings of romantic love and turned that into hatred. When it was smiling it amplified any feelings of romantic love.

**Aka: Frown up = Love into hate**

**Smile up = Love into extreme love.**

When he'd gotten it, it had come with a handwritten pamphlet on how it worked but he hadn't read it all, deeming it was pretty obvious how to use it.  _'It's not like there'll be an crazy side effects._ _'_ He laughs, shaking his head.  _'That only happens in fiction.'_

Oh he just couldn't wait to see if it was working!  _'Shizuo will pay for ruining my date!'_  He thinks, holding back from cheering. Celty and he, all alone together while Shizuo suffers trying to understand why his own date hates him! It would be wonderful. When the coffee is finally finished he takes it in, finding Izaya to be deep in thought. Izaya looks up, staring intently at him, red eyes bright.

"Shinra..." He starts, straightening up. "Would you say you're entirely happy with Celty?" He asks. Shinra sets down his coffee in front of him, the informant muttering an almost shy thanks.

"Of course! She's the absolutely perfect, the only one for me! Aah, she's just so pretty and charming!" He coos, thinking of his headless angel in black.

"But you know..." Izaya starts, setting down his coffee. He stands, coming to push himself practically onto Shinra's lap. "She doesn't have a head... You can't talk to her, hear her voice, kiss her..." He mumbles, getting closer and crawling fully into the couch with knees on either side of Shinra and arms wrapping around his neck. _'Uh, oh... I sure hope this is related to the pendent...'_

"What's your point, Orihara-kun? I love Celty without all that. I don't need it." He says confidently. He means it, too. Celty is perfect in every way, he'd never change her. Well, he might make that cat suit a little tighter, but other than that, never! Izaya doesn't back off, though, pressing the issue.

"Mouths can do other things too, though." Glowing red eyes are too bright and unfocused when he brings a hand around to cup Shinra's cheek. "Very,  _very_ nice things~" Izaya coos. He frowns, noticing the pin on Izaya's coat. Sure enough, the frown is glowing just the same, crimson glow hiding the other half of the two faced symbol. 

Shinra doesn't say anything, reaching out to put his hands on Izaya's shoulders and push him away. Things are getting too weird for him now and even if he did a few wet dreams about Izaya in highschool, he's in a very happy relationship now and so is Izaya. His hands don't reach his shoulders though, when Izaya moves rather abruptly forward to kiss him.

"Mmph-!" He gasps, which is a mistake when Izaya takes that as invitation for his tongue. It's not unpleasant, Izaya tastes like coffee and the little moan he makes is kinda cute if he's honest, but this is wrong and needs to stop.  _'Maybe I should have read that pamphlet...'_

The doorbell rings just as Izaya's whispering about mouths going to dirtier and dirtier places.  _'Aah, time for the show to start!'_  He thinks, trying to keep his steps to his front door calm so he doesn't alert Izaya to anything being off.

"Yo." Shizuo greets, stepping in. He looks pleasantly surprised to see Izaya lounging on the couch.

"Oh, hey 'Zaya." He says, plopping down on the couch next to his boyfriend and wrapping an arm around him casually. "So why'd you-oof!" Shizuo is cut off when a fist slams into his jaw, a sharp uppercut from Izaya. It doesn't affect him too much, as he hardly feels the impact, but he does look irritated, sliding his arm off his boyfriend to look properly at Izaya.

"Oi, what the hell what that for?" He demands, frowning slightly. Really it's hard for him to get genuinely mad at Izaya, especially when the red eyed man is glaring daggers at him and he knows he's probably done something wrong.

"For putting your filthy paws on me." Izaya hisses, because  _'How dare this beast touch me so casually!'_ Disgusting. 

"Hah!?" Shizuo bristles. "What the fuck, why are you so mad?"

"Maybe because you're here?" He asks, sarcastically. That earns a laugh from Shinra, and they both snap their attention to him. Izaya looks proud, smiling wide, while Shizuo just looks pissed off. It's not an unusual scene, fairly typical, but knowing what caused this is delightful.

"What the fuck is so funny?" Shizuo demands, sending Shinra a warning look.

"He probably finds your attempts at intimidation hilarious." Izaya growls, bristling at Shizuo.

"You sayin Shinra could take me?" Shizuo growls right back. Izaya laughs this time.

"Doesn't have to, he's twice the man you are!"

"We'll fucking see about that!"

"W-whoa now let's not get ahead of ourselves-!" Shinra laughs, nervous. He squeaks when Shizuo stands up and stalks towards him, murder in his eyes. Right as he's aiming a punch, one that would probably send him to the hospital, Izaya's there. He slashes across his knuckles, breaking the skin wide open. Shizuo hisses, yanking his bloodied fist back.

"Back off him, beast!" Izaya is furious that this simpleton dares to try and hurt Shinra. _'I'll shred him!'_

"Fuck 'zaya, that hurt!" Shizuo snaps, gritting his teeth. They still fought every now and then, but Shizuo always held back and Izaya never struck any sensitive or vital points. It was an unspoken agreement for fucks sake.

"It was supposed to, you insufferable creep!" Red eyes are nearly glowing- no, they really are glowing now. And so is the pendant, frowny face shining and getting brighter the as Izaya's hatred grows. _'This might get ugly...'_ Shinra worries, knowing how terrifying the two can be when they're truly mad. He's had five months of peace, throwing that away like this, in his destroyable apartment, might not be such a great idea.

He needs to stop this quick, Izaya's eyes look like hellfire at this point and he's surprised Shizuo hasn't noticed. Shizuo doges Izaya's knife, grabbing his forearms to try and hold him still. Predictably Izaya fights that, breaking free to slash at Shizuo again, aiming for his face. Shinra sees this as an opening and moves quickly, ducking under Izaya's arm and rotating the pendant to a smile. Izaya freezes and shudders, eyes dimming back to their normal color

He blinks at Shizuo for a moment, who's tense and waiting another attack, like he's seeing him for the first time. Time stands still for a few seconds, no one breathing, before suddenly launches himself at his boyfriend. Shizuo was preparing to deflect the next attack but in the end he isn't fast enough to stop him. Hands move to his shoulders, but Izaya just nuzzles him, purring.

"Izaya...?" Shizuo is worried,at this point.  _'Is he drunk?'_  He doesn't smell any liquor, though, and this behavior is too strange anyway.

"Shizu-chan~ I missed you!" He coos, pulling back just enough to kiss his beautiful blonde boyfriend. _'I love you I love you I love you wonderful beast!'_ He moans into the kiss, not caring they have an audience. Shizuo seems alarmed, worried, and Izaya hates that his lovely monster is upset.

Shinra, meanwhile,goes about fetching their drinks from the kitchen. He places Izaya's in from of him, and holds out Shizuo's tea. Before Shizuo can take it though, the cup is smacked from his hand and shatters onto the floor. Izaya is glaring at him, eyes starting to have a pink hue to them. The pendant is the same, and the color change makes it look deranged.

"Izaya?" Shizuo questions again, but Izaya doesn't look at him, merely hugging him tighter. He points his knife at Shinra, now. 

"Don't touch my Shizu-chan." His voice is dark, tinted with bloodlust and shinra can't help but be amazed by the 180. 

"What an interesting reaction!" It's out of his mouth before he realizes his mistake, and Shizuo's eyes harden.

"What did you fucking do." It's not even a question, more of a demand. Shizuo pulls away from Izaya to grab Shinra and shake him hard. Izaya coos at him to do it harder from the background. 

"N-nothing! I didn't-Ggh!" He cut off when Shizuo shakes him harder, before he drops him. Shinra flops to the floor. 

"Oi, Izaya! Did your coffee taste weird? Did he give you anythi... Fuck, are your eyes  _pink_?" Shizuo demands, shocked. Indeed Izaya's eyes are glowing again, this time irises turned entirely neon pink. 

"Just this dumb pin. Aww, is Shizu-chan jealous? I'll take it off, don't worry!" He likes that Shizuo is jealous, but Izaya just has this need to show his loyalty. He'd kill anyone who came near his Shizu-chan. He fiddles with the pin but it won't come off.

"Huh...?" It seems like the needle used to fasten itself to his jacket has disappeared and the button has become a part of his clothes. He tries to pull it off, but only succeeds in flipping the smile to a frown. Hatred for his beast of a boyfriend rushes back through him as fast as a match lights gasoline. 

"A-ah don't do that!" Shinra gasps but it's already too late. Izaya's moving again, knife up and charging towards Shizuo. They're lucky a strong hand grabs his wrist, another coming around his waist to yank him back a few steps when they can't fully stop the swing. Izaya growls, but freezes when Kadota speaks up. 

"Geez, I thought you guys stopped doing that?" He glances at Shinra. He can see te question in kaodtas eyes, if it's safe or if he should get the hell out. 'Get out! Run for your life!' He thinks, shaking his head rapidly. Kadota, apparently, doesn't get the hint. "Hey, sorry. No one came to the door when I knocked and It was open so..." 

Izaya practically squeals, hugging Kadota with a cry of "Dota-chin~!" He hugs him tight, giggling. "I missed you!"

"You, uh,you did?" Kadota looks confused, awkwardly patting Izaya on the back. Izaya clings tighter, practically purring. Shizuo looks like he might kill someone.

"Did you miss me?" Izaya asks, voice a soft coo and smile seductive. Which is fairly normal, except the glowing crimson eyes he's sporting. 

"Uh... Sure?"

"Really?" Izaya lights up, beaming at Kadota. Shizuo growls, but Izaya simply flips him off without even glancing at him. He leans his weight against Kadota, pushing the man back. He stumbles, wrapping an arm around Izaya's waist to steady himself. This is the moment Shizuo loses it. 

"Hey are you okay, your eyes-urk!" He's cut off by Shizuo's fist, sent flying across the room. Shizuo glares but doesn't make any further move towards the heap of man in the corner, despite the rage in his eyes. Izaya blinks, hands still extended and hugging the air, shocked by the sudden loss of his new cuddle buddy. He turns on Shizuo, bristling like an angry cat. 

"Shizu-chan! You monster, look what you did! It's okay Dotachin, I'll nurse you back to health~" He winks and gets a pained grown for his troubles. 

"OVER MY DEAD FUCKING BODY!" Shizuo snarls, knowing just what Izaya means when he promises things like that. Last flu season the two went through three boxes of Kleenex. Only one was needed for stuffy noses. 

"That can be arranged!" Izaya growls, but Shizuo just grabs him and ignores the knives sticking him like he's some kind of human pincusion. He wraps his arms around Izaya who just struggles harder. Shinra lingers at the edge, unsure if he should try to stop the seemingly endless knives Izaya less pulling out of thin air or go look at his pamphlet for information. 

"Just- stop struggling!" Shizuo snaps, trapping Izaya against himself with one arm and the other goes to cup his chin. He kisses Izaya desperate and a little forceful, eyes closed. Izaya doesn't take it well, wrenching his head away with a gag. He wails for Shinra to come save him, which only further aggravates Shizuo who decides to just keep kissing him. 

Shinra chooses the pamphlet. 

 **Warning, the following side effects may occur- Nausea, vomiting, homicidal urges, the sensation that you want most of the world dead, the sensation that you want your loved ones dead, the sensation you're on fire, sudden urges to rape people you'd normally dislike, willing enslavement, anger, depression, nightmares, mpreg, yandere tendencies, sociopathic tendencies,**   **and headaches. Consult your local witch doctor for more information. Do not use while pregnant, a male trying to become pregnant, under 18, over 80, or if already using another magically cursed item. Thank you for your continued support and visit us online at OldHagsCrazyWitchItems.Org**

 _'Ooohhh shit.'_ Suddeny Izaya crashes into him,making the pamphlet and himself crash to the floor. Izaya wails above him, not unlike a child, about how mean Shizuo is. Shizuo, in the meantime, picks up the pamphlet.

"Shinraaa!" Izaya wails. "Shizu-chan is a rapist! A monster! A big giant pervert!" He cries louder, acting like a small child above him and not a grown ass man crying over his boyfriend trying to kiss him. Shinra hardly pays attention, gulping when Shizuo marches over. His face is dark, teeth grit together as he grabs hold of the pin and crushes it. The pieces crumble to the floor and Izaya stops crying instantly. 

"Eh...?" He blinks down at Shinra, eyes fading back to rusty red and mouth pulling down in a frown. He notices the pieces of broken pin, some in Shizuo's hand some on the floor, and his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Shizu-chan, hey! That was a gift, why did you do that?" He demands, climbing off Shinra. 

"It was a damn emotion controlling... Thing! It was making you act crazy! Don't you remember?" 

"Not really..." Izaya sighs, turning his glare on Shinra. He looks disturbed. "Did we... Did we  _kiss_?" Shinra laughs, nervously standing up and backing away. 

"W-well..." He starts, cut off by Shizuo's growl. 

"You've got five seconds to give me a good reason for this."

"I-I! Well-"

"5." He takes a step forward.

"You see, guys-"

"4" That's Izaya, pulling his knife.

"I can't really explain right now-"

"3!" Shizuo snarls.

"You wouldn't understand-"

"2~" Izaya purrs.

"C-c'mon now fellas!" He pleads, backing up. His back hits the wall though, and matching grins corner him.  _'Maybe Izaya and Shizuo are more similar than I thought...'_

" **1**!" They say together, pouncing. Knives and fists go flying, and Shinra's scream echo's for miles.

* * *

[You're so stupid.] Celty types, shaking her helmet at him. He sighs, nodding his head. He's resting, lying in bed with a bruised and broken body. Its been a week and he hasn't heard from any of his friends, not even Kadota who's mad at him as well. He understands, it is technically Shinra's fault he got a broken nose from Shizuo. 

But... He could care less! Celty has been taking care of him all week, despite being mad about his schemes. In the end, it turns out she was a little flattered that he would try and destroy another relationship just to make their own stronger. And he failed anyway, as Izaya and Shizuo have never been closer. Mostly because Shizuo won't let Izaya out of his site, but whatever. 

He and Celty are alone together finally, and Shinra doesn't care if his friends ever visit again! And if they do, well, he happens to have a perfume that turns people into the opposite sex... And he just knows Izaya would forgive him if he made Shizuo a woman.

Happy end!

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh I've had this in the works for a few weeks. I'm sorry it sucks so bad, but here we gooooooooo! Finally done! Yay!


End file.
